I wonder how many times in the last six months I have told you that.  Now you are with Jesus and nobody will ever have to tell you again, because you are experiencing it completely! 

With tears in my heart, I want to dedicate this post to our beloved friend, Isaac Coates.   This young man has left an influence on so many lives like few people ever could.  He is a brother to Melissa, my heroine below, and her husband Daniel.  They were extremely close, so please pray for her and Isaac’s whole family, his mother Joy, and other sisters Shanna, Brianna, Gretta, and Amy.  Their Daddy welcomed Isaac into heaven today, as far as we can know.  For more information on the accident, please check out our friends’ blog at www.xanga.com/innerjoy 

There are few words for the pain in my heart … when it’s someone so close to you, sometimes the details are hard to talk about in the midst of the numb shock.  Those of us who love Isaac (and we are many) feel so far away and helpless to do anything but pray for his friends and loved ones there, and weep together here. Shortly after Isaac disappeared, I got a call on my phone from our mutual friend Michael, who was swimming with him.  Since that time, amidst many tears and cries to God, I have been thinking deeply.    I would like to share a tribute to Isaac tonight. 

Isaac impacted my own life in a way almost no one has, and in a few months time, he became as close as the closest brother to me.  Even then, I have known few people with the depth and insight and sensitivity and compassion that Isaac has.  The last year of his life has been tough, with lots of questions and searchings for him.  For some reason, in the midst of the heat of the spiritual battle he was in, he priviledged me deeply by dropping by several times for a cup of coffee and to share his heart.  In a very short time, I felt like I had known him forever, and I loved him deeply.  We kept in touch from then until two weeks ago when he left to spend a few weeks in Central America with his family.  I’ve missed him incredibly, but we were all looking forward to seeing him again in two weeks when our family plans to go down.  I didn’t know I would have to wait till Heaven.

 I cannot explain how, but God used Isaac to stir my heart toward God in one of the deepest revivals I have ever experienced in my life.  It is so deep, in fact, that it has been hard to talk about.  God drew my heart to His in love and in compassion for souls like never before.  He stirred me to realize His calling upon my own life in a very profound way.  He put a burden on my heart to pray for this dear son of His, as I somehow always knew he was … and that burden stayed there every day for the last five or six months.  God loved that man, and He wanted Him by His side, I am convinced.  Many nights, God would not let me sleep because the compelling love and burden to pray was so real, and He taught me more about what true intercession really was through Isaac.   The love that God poured into my heart for his soul was so that I didn’t know what do with it sometimes … that is the way God is.

I saw in Isaac a gift that is rare to the world.  It is hard to explain here, but it seemed the magnitude of his potential for God was beyond most human beings’.  The devil knows these special people, and he is a master at trying to destroy them.  But I thank God that he is defeated.  Perhaps that is the best gift Isaac has given me.  That is the continual opportunity to exercise faith in a God Who is so much bigger than most of us ever allow Him to be, in our lives, and in everyone else’s life.  And I rejoice to know that my dear brother friend indeed turned his heart toward God and once again found peace in that relationship.  In one of our last conversations, he told me that he hadn’t been so happy in a long while as he was right then.  My last memory of him is a warm good-bye hug and the peace I saw in his eyes the night he left the states to be with his family.  Thank-you, Jesus.

This afternoon, for awhile my thoughts were frantic towards God, “You have to show yourself strong once more and save his life!!”  But gradually, God touched my heart with His peace, and through my tears and groanings for Isaac’s dear family and all of us who love him so much, there came a growing realization of God.  Once again, He is bigger than us all.  We thought God needed Isaac here to make a difference in His kingdom.  But God loved Isaac.  He wants to give him rest and shower him with the Father love that Isaac so longed for.  He wants to wipe away all his tears and answer all his questions and hold Him near.   He did use him countless times, even in the darkest hours of his life here.  I didn’t think that was fair, that others were changed so positively by his life when his own difficulties were huge to him, but he cared so much about people.   I can still see him tilt his head in that caring manner and hear his sincere parting words uttered so often, “Take care …”  

 God did it then and is even now using him to make a difference.  But for Isaac himself, there is rest.  Just rest, and a new body with all ten fingers intact, and joys indescribable forever.    That is how God is.                                        

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

                                                               

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          It 

It would be selfish to wish him back.  Tho’ the tears flow freely as we miss everything about him so much, God gives grace to say, ‘Thy will be done.’

Lord, please comfort his dear family.   Please comfort us all … he had so many, many friends.

This post is dedicated with love to two very dear friends that I miss very much.  Mattie, your life has inspired mine so many times.  I love you for many reasons, but you have especially impacted my life with your genuine honesty and forthright manner.  In this world where we have learned too well how to hide our true selves away behind smiles and polished words … I deeply appreciate real people, probably above all because it speaks to the need of my own heart.  Thank-you.  God blesses you for that by causing you to grow and grow in Him.  I love you.  It is a great joy to see you holding your very own grandson, and imagine the warm twinkle in your beautiful eyes when you look at him.

My most recent ‘favorite mother’ is my dear heart-friend and ‘cousin-in-law’ (or was that ‘sister’?). Congratulations and welcome to your precious little son!  What a joy to see you delighting in your own baby … I can hardly wait to see and hug you both.  Thank-you, Melissa, for your example of fervent love for God and your hubby and now your tiny son.  I pray the blessing of God would pour out upon you and give you much rest in Him every day.  You may think you are far away and unnoticed, but this is to encourage you otherwise.   You are my heroine.  I love you.

Lord, I lift my friend to Your throne of mercy;

I know you see her sad life torn apart.

You feel the pain she’s buried deep within;

You hold the key to her locked away heart.

God, You know the pain inside there is brutal,

And endlessly filled with a fresh supply …

It seems too much for one human to handle,

Yet even now within I sense Your reply.

Yes, child, some things you cannot understand,

And what I allow may seem unkind and cruel;

But my grace is enough for anyone’s life…

Jesus  knows their pain, has felt it in full.

Oh, God, give my friend strength to reach out to Him,

Help her open her heart and release everything

Into the hands of her loving Redeemer.

Please give her the grace all her problems to bring.

Let faith rise within, e’en but a mustard seed 

Is all that we need to believe and be saved!

So, please God, in her sad sickness please come,

 Open her eyes to the forgiveness you gave.

 I ask you, dear God, to behold that small seed …

Perhaps buried deep in rejection and loss,

There glistens some hopeful desire to believe;

That will bring her to You, no matter the cost.

“Love them like Jesus … Carry them to Him;

His yoke is easy, His burden is light.

You don’t need the answers to all of life’s questions;

Just know that He loves them and stay by their side.

Love them like Jesus.

Love them like Jesus.” 

                                                    

                                                                            M.J.  in the busy two’s!

Look into those eyes … the eyes of our dear children.  What a gift God has given us!  Today I asked God to refresh my vision.  I asked Him to give me His love for my little girls.  Sometimes as mothers, we get so busy instructing, training, guiding, whatever a mother does … and we forget to see them, to look at them for who they are, eternal souls entrusted to our care.  Some days I find myself getting frustrated at slow responses to my commands.  Then God reminds me of how He loves me when I learn so slowly.  I’ve never yet heard Him speak to me in an exasperated tone.  God, help me to ALWAYS speak to my children like you speak to me, in a still, small voice. 

Today, I realized how little I know how to be a mom.  But I’m so glad that God knows it all, and that He is my Father.  I am comforted to realize that He will give me the wisdom that I do not have.  I just don’t have it.  I am so glad to be His.  I am so glad, too, that these little girls have a Daddy who values spending time with them.  You see, those shiny eyes you see in those pictures were captured after special time with Dad today.  It’s Monday, our favorite week day since Daddy doesn’t have to sell furniture.  He often takes the girls somewhere, a double effort.  One is to spend quality time with his girls, and the other to give Mama a break in the routine … hmmm, maybe there’s three reasons.  The girls get a little break from Mama, too?   Whatever, we all love it, and we are all happy to get back together in the evening.  Thank-you, God, for family!             

                                                       

                                                                  Jaime … a delightful 4 years old.

I still don’t know what makes this time the most special … just time with Mama?  Or is it the fun of these little lessons we are having together?  Maybe it’s both.  Whatever … we all enjoy it!  Jaime has a unique way of summing up our thoughts,

“I LOVE doing this.  It makes me love people. “

Girlies’ favorite project … Mama’s pie dough.

When God is doing so many deep things in our hearts, I find the biggest challenge is to be faithful in daily things of life, maybe because the enemy knows that this is where true revival must first be manifested.  When God is working to teach us how to have a broken heart so that His love can flow through us into the lives of others, the biggest challenge is to be patient and loving with those closest to us.  This morning it is my lively, creative children.  :)  Our girls seem to have an uncanny drive towards creativity.  Perhaps most mothers would curtail those tendencies more and find themselves free from little pieces of paper, markers, glue, pencils, scissors, stickers, and a variety of little crude gifts pressed into their hands all day long.  I prefer the mess, especially when I see the joy it gives my little ones to make something for someone.  I have been amazed what all sorts of creativity can come out of even a two-year-old.  All the clean-up times are worth it for the satisfaction I see on my 7-yr.old’s face when she can hand her favorite aunt a carefully crocheted scarf that she made.  No, I wouldn’t trade them in the least.  Certainly, these little ones do lead us in our walk with God, too.  One day when I was feeling especially vulnerable, I was kind of lost in thought, but I heard Jaime calling my name.  I answered her a little absentmindedly, but my heart melted when she said, “You are my best Mama!  That’s all I wanted.”    Her prayers are so sweet, too, and you never know quite what to expect.  :)  She often prays, “Dear Jesus, please … do all Your work in us!”  It’s amazing what little ones pick up.  This morning she was telling me how she fixed up a little place “where I can go in and pray.” 

And now for some pics of my calm, sweet, ‘wait-til-you-have-boys’ kind of girls.   Hmmm…

                                                       

                                                                                  MUD PUDDLES!

                                                                

                                                             

                                                                                      PLAY DOUGH!

                                              

                                                                         THE AIRPLANE SWING!

                                                             

                                                                                           LEGOS!

                                                         

                                                           

                                                                                        HIT THAT BALL!

                                                             

                                                                  

                                            

                                                                 WATER BALLOONS WITH COUSINS!